Does everyone feel as alone as I do?

Because i think everyone on this planet feels alone. How tragic is that?! Billions of people on this earth can feel alone. Why? Well after i bring about world peace i'll get to work on that one. I graduated on saturday, and afterwards i've never wanted to cry more. My family has been through this three times before, so for them it was probably old news but for me it was the biggest deal! It hurt me so badly that my mom was just grumpy and my brother almost didn't make it. it hurts! why can't anyone see how bad it hurts?! Why is asking for help so hard? I just want to reach out and have someone look at me like i'm the most important thing in the world and say "i'm listening". someone that will be able to see what i'm going through and won't try to tell me what's happening when they don't have any idea! i just want to throw things and cry and scream because there's so much i want to do, so much i want to be and i'm afraid i won't do or be any of it. I'm scared. I'm lonely. I want my friends back, when they cared and when they were here for me. I didn't know it was going to be so hard to see my best friends go to college without me but the whole in my chest is getting to be unbearable. I can't take it anymore, all these things around me i feel are just closing in and i can't breathe. I just want to get away, be happy, and remember why i used to smile. 

It's Official

I have accepted the offer to attend the January- July track of college. Everything seems to be set,but nothing seems right anymore. I fought with my mom for a really long time on Friday. We screamed at each other, i cried for hours and hours, until i couldn't even breathe because it hurt so much. But i think the thing that hurt most was knowing i have absolutely no support system. My friends do the best they can, but i don't think they realize how much pain i'm truly in, and i don't have the right to put my problems before theirs. And besides, i don't think it would matter anyway. I need my family. I need my brother to protect me, to not just treat me like i'm defective. For my mom to let me talk to her about what i truly feel, not just what she thinks is right. My sister tries, but i don't think she really gets it. Gets me. It hurts, knowing that no one is going to ask you what's wrong and just hold you as you cry. I don't make those kinds of connections. I'm starting to think i really am defective. People like me, but i'm easily forgettable. They love me for about a week, but i don't stick. Once i stop seeing them everyday, they stop remembering. Or maybe its me that forgets. I'll never know i guess. Either way, it gets harder and harder to keep living my life. I try so hard; to work, do school work and keep up with whatever friends i have left. I just need that one person that just needs me like i need them. And not just loves me because its biology or because we're buds. I need love most of all. 

limbo

Limbo isn't a bad way to describe my life. I feel like i'm too old, but not old enough. I feel like i have insights, that i understand things. But i know i don't have all the answers. I'm old enough to know that the people i'm surrounded by now won't give me the answers i want. I hope i'm not undervaluing my friends when i say that sometimes i feel like my concerns go over their heads. But i'm in high school and i want deeper meaning to my life, but when i try to talk to people about my views on life, i never seem the get thought provoking answers. Nothing really pushes me to want to know anything and i really want someone to question me in a loving way, a way that will make me want to be my best, instead of just pissing me off. 
I guess i just want to find someone like that. I feel like my biological clock is set ahead of everyone. I'm thinking about things and wanting things that people shouldn't even want for a few more years.
...but then i feel like a jerk for thinking that i'm somehow more special than other people. 
too many thoughts in my head :/